Black Day in Academics

I felt like its over now. I was going through the question paper and I was not even aware of what the questions are related to. It was not the first time that I was facing this. Most of papers in engineering were a perfect blow for me. I never attempted above 60 in most of the papers and almost scored 36 in  2 of the 6 subjects in each semester. It was not that I was not interested in writing. I was not even having the slightest idea of most the questions which were being asked in exam papers....

Hence, it should not have been a trouble for me to see that most questions were out of box for me. I was having some issue in my mind at that time. My mind was running wild with those thoughts. I was not even interested to write anything in the paper, though it was true that I was not knowing anything on the other hand this time. I quickly went through the paper and counted how much max I could attempt. I found at max if I got full on full for every question that I attempt I would have got 28. Now that was not enough. I needed 36 at least.

I glanced around in the room, every one was busy looking into their question paper and scribbling in the answer sheets. It was 10 min by now. And it felt as if 1 hr has passed by. I was not writing anything. I was all calculating, what could be that I can write in other questions so that I might get 8 more marks or was there any question that I could attempt and get clear. Most questions were 8 marks each. 

I read the question paper like 10 times and still no catch. I was furious with the thoughts. The thoughts of me not focusing while studying earlier that day. I was just pissed off with my attitude of just ignoring the pressure. I was angry, furious and irritated at myself. I could hear my heartbeat clearly, pounding like I have finished 100m race a second ago. It was raging like in a bulls race. My thoughts all flowing, across the semester, thinking of what I did. I could see my results in hand. I could see I was going to fail. I was not able to think. Time has paused for me. I couldn't bear it any longer. I wrote the two fill in the blanks. I picked up the answer sheet and went to the invigilators desk and got it signed and stepped out of the exam hall.

I knew I had taken a biggest decision of my life in a most crooked way and idiotically walked out. No one was surprised though, because by now they know that I walk off the exam hall within 2hrs. That day it was early though, just 15min passed the question paper was given. It could be embarrassing for me but I was not able to bear the pain. It was too much wild feeling in that hall. I went to library nearby spent some time there and went home after sufficient 3hrs.

It was clear I was going to fail. I had flunked my engineering exams. My future, which rested entirely on my results, I knew I had just made sure I would make it a dark chapter. I was not able to bear it even then. I didn't study later that day. Next time too I didn't do well. Three months later when results came I knew I was going to be in the ATKT (Allowed to keep term) list. There I was, with two backlogs. I should have shed my day in tears, but shockingly the results were darn. Only 2 of my classmates were able to clear that subject completely and 4 got grace marks for that subject out of 60 students. So no one thought, it was a big deal, to be flunked in the pool as the paper itself was crap. I don't know why so many guys flunked, but my reason was not the subject nor the questions. I had flunked because of furious thoughts in my mind.....about which I will tell you in the next post.